Random Wednesday ~ misery
We all know that person who cannot be happy about anything or has to be more miserable than the next person. If you have a cold, she has the flu. If you have the flu, he has pneumonia. You’re having a bad day at work, she KNOWS she’s on the verge of getting fired. You’re having issues with your kids, he wants to drive to Nebraska.
These misery merchants can’t stand it if you’re enjoying life. They find little ways to try and make you as miserable as them. I never cease to be amazed at how much energy some people put into being disagreeable and wretched. Makes me question whether they have ever had a single moment of happiness in their entire lives.
I don’t approach life with unrealistic optimism, but I also don’t imagine the worst in everything I see. There are sincere reasons to be unhappy, but not to take everyone down with you. Misery does not love company, it loves no one. It only leads to self-destruction and loneliness.
“We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it.” ~ Willie Nelson (American country western singer, born 1933)
“There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappiness if allowed to grow.” ~ Dorothea Brande (American writer and editor, 1893-1948 )
“Those who are unhappy have no need for anything in this world but people capable of giving them their attention.” ~ Simone Weil (French philosopher, Christian mystic and social activist, 1909-1943)
“Unhappiness is not knowing what we want, and killing ourselves to get it.” ~ Don Herold (American humorist, writer, illustrator, and cartoonist, 1889-1966)
AMEN, my sistah!!
I had to distance myself from a good friend because she was FULL of drama and discontent. It’s sad to say, but my life is so very much better now that I don’t have to hear the “woe is me” rants all the time!
:0)
Ms. H… I’ve had to do the same thing. If you need a shoulder, if you need someone to sympathize with you. I’m there, but do not take your misery out on me because I’m not as unhappy as you are.
Negative people are a real downer. It sometimes takes a while to spot them but once you understand their stance, run! I am with you in approaching life with realistic optimism. Not everything is the beginning of Armageddon!
Bama Cheryl… There are days when I am unhappy, but I don’t try to make everyone as miserable as I may be. There is no use in that. They may actually help get me out of my blues.
Well written and so true. There’s nothing worse than a pessimist dragging you down with them.
Kat… right! I have enough problems without trying to cause more for someone else.
I had a long conversation with my photographer friend a while back. There are more people in the world that would rather see you unhappy than happy. People are uncomfortable with others being happy. They feel it is unnatural. He has a point, because there are people in my life that make me feel guilty when life really is great..but the second I am unhappy.. holy crap. They are ten times unhappier.. crazy
Kim… I know someone like that too. Is never happy and wants nothing more than to share the misery and make everyone else as miserable too.
Have you noticed lately that if you are doing okay in today’s world and not letting the doom and gloom get you down, that others are put off by your optimistic view? It’s like it is not okay to be happy right now and worse don’t share any good news you might have because someone else might not have any? At work there is a lot of this going on and it does tend to get depressing.
Mama… truly that in itself is depressing. I have my own problems, but don’t want to compete with anyone over who is more unhappy. I am genuinely glad when someone has good news.
And I so have 10 people in my life doing this! And they make me want to jump! And I have to see them everyday! You only know the 1/2 of it! LOL, have a great day!
Weaselmomma… I hope you have a wonderful day too!
I think we all legitimately have bad times, go through struggles, etc…and it is natural and normal to want/need to reach out to people, to vent or to cry or to simply have it OUT there-becuase then we feel less alone (am actually thinking of myself here), but there is SUCH a huge difference when you are so enmeshed in your own misery that you not only can’t see the good in your own life but ALSO want everyone else to be unhappy also. That seems really sick to me, and I know people like that. The other is the type you mentioned in the first paragraph, where whatever is going on in your life, theirs is a thousand times worse. What is UP with that? I mean, I want to talk to people who have had similar experiences, becuase it helps me figure out how to get out of it on the other side alive with my sanity intact; I surely don’t want to hear the, “Oh, well, that isn’t nearly as bad as THIS!” Grrr.
Kori… it absolutely helps to be able to commiserate with other parents, and women, that’s what has been so great about blogging… finding other people who totally understand what you’re going through and want to help you make it through. But some people just want to be miserable and everyone around them as miserable. It’s toxic and I don’t need that in my life.
I try to avoid these types of people that’s why I avoid my sisters…LOL
Chris… I wish I could avoid the worst curmudgeon I have to deal with.
You know I love my sister, but she’s like that. I need to limit the time I spend with her because it can really bring me down.
April… I struggle with worry about my son more than most people realize because I don’t let it take control of my every waking moment. There are times when that concern is overwhelming. I don’t want to burden my friends and family with that. I have a few friends I can go to, but I wouldn’t let that dominate our relationship. If I did, these friends would be justified in leaving my sorry as behind.
I have had to separate myself from toxic people in my life. Always miserable and want you to be miserable with them. Ugh. I don’t mind being there for a friend but when that friend revels in being unhappy, I have my own mental and emotional health to think about when it starts to weigh me down.
Dingo… I have a soft shoulder and a big heart, but I can’t stand to be around people who are miserable and don’t want to be happy. They revel in their misery and are a real morale killer.
“There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappiness if allowed to grow.” ~ Dorothea Brande (American writer and editor, 1893-1948 )
That quote is incredible. Intriguing entry, btw. Definitely food for thought.
Heather… I have friends who have every right to be in the deepest pits of depression, but instead are some of the most optimistic people I know. I also know people who have every reason to be happy with their lives, but instead find only the bad in everything around them. It can suck the joy out of you to be around those kind of people all the time.
They are unhappy, insecure souls with a constant need for attention and reinforcement. The question is – is it more of a service to ignore such a person or help such a person?
Lou… at this point I choose to ignore. I have tried to be supportive, offering a willing ear and words of comfort. I have tried to be as compassionate as I can but too often my efforts have blown up in my face when these people have turned on me in anger. That’s when my door of friendship closes.
My husband says, “Life is what you make it.” I think he’s right. I feel sad for those people. Sure, I have my meloncholy moments, but I don’t try to bring others down with me. I also don’t share the feeling with anyone. For me, I try to focus on better things because eventually I’ll feel better.
lceel makes a good point too, about people needing to be constantly built up–I guess it’s just how much can you help the person before it becomes a burden for you to carry.
Joyce-Anne… I recognize some people simply need to be told all the time that they are right, or worthy, or special in some way. I can do that, but when I’m called a liar when I tell them how much I appreciate them, and told this often, it’s time to step back.
Back in college there was a girl in the dorm named Jan. She always spent giNORmous amounts of time explaining everything she had to do and all her hard work and how no one appreciated her and…well, you know the type. Shut up already, and get your freakin’ work done, right?
Melissa B… YES! I have a job, I have deadlines, I have to get that job done with little or no help, I have as many problems as the next guy. But, I don’t make it my life’s work to make you sorry you ever met me. There are so many times I just want to yell ’suck it up!’
I like to have “contests” for worst days ever. I have a friend who always beats me. Makes for great stories to laugh at and we both win!
Bad Momma… if these curmudgeons in my life could laugh at themselves, we would have a great time. But they are serious about their unhappiness and it’s not something to joke with them about. I’ve tried to make light of some things that anyone else would think was safe, only to have them get almost postal with me. Not fun.
Hmmmmmmmmmm, better not read my blog post today. You might think I was being a crepe hanger. LOL.
JaniceNW… we all have bad days, but bad decades? No, darlin’ vent away!
I know several people similar to how you’ve described. It really is quite annoying and I find myself dodging them.
Sandy… it’s sad, but I have to do the same, just for my own peace of mind.
I so agree with you, and Willie Nelson.
I have people in my life who love to create drama and problems. Can’t stand it!
Cyndy… oh, the drama! If they don’t get the attention they crave, they force you to pay attention to them. It’s worse than a two-year old throwing a tantrum.