Random Wednesday ~ meditation
Even though I have shunned ceremonious New Year’s resolutions, there are certain things I want to accomplish and know what I need to do to get what I want.
One of those things is to take back control of my anger. I’m not a violent person, but in recent months I have shocked myself in how easily swearing ~ sailor-mouthed, mother-blushing, baby-scaring swearing ~ has become. I need to own that anger and find more constructive outlets for it.
I know this anger comes from frustration and in no small measure fear ~ for my job, my family, my inability to fix things that can’t be fixed. Fear is an intense motivator for anger. So maybe it’s fear that I need to gain control over.
Over the years I have had many collections. As a little girl I had the ubiquitous unicorn menagerie, during my years of studying martial arts I had an imposing army of these bad boys taking up space on a shelf, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve been drawn to antique rosaries.
It feels awkward trying to recite the Rosary, not having done so as a rote part of my religious training. I do however find that during my daily compute just holding it, slipping my fingers along each bead, I could focus all that anger into something positive.
The constant bead-to-bead dedication, the repetition of a set mantra, is somehow comforting ~ even to this fallen angel.
Reflecting on my day, I have conversations with God while seeking patience and hope. I find comfort in the odd warmth of the beads and often sort through every one several times before reaching home.
Not as part of a pass/fail resolution, but as a tool for meditation and reflection, I will be bringing out my rosaries again and facing the dragon.
“Meditation is the soul’s perspective glass.” ~ Owen Felltham (English essayist and poet, 1602?-1668 )
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi (Indian Philosopher, 1869-1948 )
“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard (Danish philosopher and theologian, 1813-1855)
Oh Tara.. I had never heard of this quote before:
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi (Indian Philosopher, 1869-1948)
I love it.. (I know I live under a rock)… LOVE this post.. and I hope that you find the peace within that you are looking for!
Kim… I thought it said how I felt very nicely. That Gandhi ~ a pretty cool guy.
If you need rosary help, lemme know. And, perhaps you should consider praying along with someone who recites it on a CD?
AFF… thanks! That is a great idea.
As an infant, I had a rosary given to me, for my Baptism. It was a Sunday ritual in our house, praying the rosary at church, and my Gram still, to this day, goes every day to pray the rosary at her church. Mine’s in a drawer, shunned, much like my religion, at times, but I find myself pulling it out more often now, clutching it for feelings of peace and nostalgia.
I loved the quotes, Tara.
Heather… sometimes you really do need to go home, or at least back to your childhood to find what you’re looking for. xoxo
My head gets so cluttered sometimes that I feel like exploding…I’ve never thought of reciting the rosary as a way to meditate…Thanks for the idea.
Chris… even if I stumble over the words, the intention is there, the spirit of supplication and reverence. It helps to have something to focus on too.
Whatever it takes-rosaries and beads, meditations, kneeling, I really think we ALL need something to help us find that way back home. Not to God or church so much as back to peace and strength and love. Be well, and I wish you a quiet journey.
Kori… it’s definitely a sense of peace that I need. My frustration levels are peaking and I need to find a way to calm those fears.
I grew up Catholic but never really said the rosary either. I like thinking of them as prayer beads or meditation beads. I have thought of making a string of my own sometime.
Jen… I am not Catholic, never have been, so the rosary itself is relatively new to me. I think of them as prayer beads too, something that is common in many different religions.
Love the quotes!
I read once that anger is a result of another emotion (like you said, fear), but sometimes, I’m just pissed. Which over here means drunk in which case doesn’t apply anymore. Anyway, sometimes I feel like there’s a chemical thing going on (um, pre-menopause?) and I’m just angry. I admire you for tackling this one and have inspired me!!
IBHH… there are sometimes when I am simply pissed off too, but many times it’s frustration over something that I can’t control or even affect. I hope this helps.
I’ve always loved rosaries, even though I’m not Catholic, and Greek worry beads, too. When I worked in politics, the Congressman’s wife got us all a smooth stone to carry around in our pockets during one worrisome election season. Repetition does sooth the savage beast!
Melissa B… I had a Worry Rock when I was a kid and still have it. It’s a wonder it’s not the size of a pebble by now.
The quotes are fabulous. I guess you could say I’m a practicing Catholic but I never really found much need for the Rosary. However, now that you suggest it, praying the Rosary might help me not over-react as quickly as I do.
Joyce-Anne… it’s not as boring as just counting to ten… or 100. HA!
I pray daily, but I never had much luck with meditation for anger management. I found that a heavy bag and set of boxing gloves helped much more (my husband, on the other hand, would recommend a 5-mile run or 15-mile bike ride). In short, I found that it’s really hard to have much anger when you’re completely exhausted (not to mention the effects of the endorphins released).
Lorie… the heavy bag was a great stress reliever wasn’t it? I just need some quiet downtime. The drive to/from work can be a stress-fest, I would much rather use the time to decompress.
I remember saying the rosary when I was a kid. I never really understood it as a meditation mechanism, but as I look back and remember I understand it now. It was like the rosary gave me a floor to stand on and my mind was free to think about other things – but clearly and calmly. Now I understand.
Lou… that is what I am hoping for too.
Tara, I found a couple of years ago that just substituting for the harsh words can have a tremendous impact. The first thing I tried came from the “Sound of Music” – La. La! La.. I didn’t have to look for an alternate.
You can express about any level of frustration, fear and anger. Learning the words don’t contribute much to the actual expression was liberating.
More important to me, was that I didn’t hear the harsh words that I wasn’t uttering. They tend to feed back, each spawning a phrase or additional curse.
“La!” is also quickly spoken, quickly done – short circuiting the expression of agitation. Which deflated the amount of agitation to express.
According to the teacher’s book, “Tools for Teaching”, the adrenaline that powers anger and fear reactions takes 28 minutes to cycle through the body and be filtered out to the point it’s influence is about nil. A half hour, once you are angry, before your judgement and perceptions escape influence from adrenaline and other hormones. A half hour when you shouldn’t make decisions, operate heavy machinery. Harm relationships.
The good news is that adrenaline takes a couple minutes to “peak”. When you feel the flush of anger, fear, take a calming breath. You can short-circuit the adrenaline. It still takes the 28 minutes to pass, but you can dramatically (!) reduce the intensity of the episode.
Blessed be.
Brad… I think I know that song! Half and hour is a long time! That’s about how long it takes to drive to work, just enough time to work up a really good mad. Maybe my plan will help short circuit my mad moment.
I love praying the Rosary, yet do not go so often. I find it very relaxing and it is also helpful to pray it in be when having trouble falling asleep.
Weaselmomma… I could use something to battle my
insomniawakefulness too. Great idea.