Kids say the fargin’ bastagest things
(I invited JM to guest blog for me again after she told me about this wonderfully precocious young man she was fortunate enough to encounter over the weekend.)
As mentioned in ‘Benjamin Franklin ate here,’ I’ve been working at a local tourist trap restaurant for the past two summers. We get some characters. Of course, the ‘I’m too rich and eager to give you my money’ $100 line-jumpers, the ‘I have young kids demanding to sit immediately during a two hour wait’ parents and my favorite the ‘too drunk to find the bathroom’ sloshes. But the other night we had a new character…
A boy walks in and stares at my fellow hostess and exclaims ‘YOU’RE HOT!!’ and then tells his mom that he’s going to the t-shirt shop to check out the hot girl in there too. This seems like a nice enough compliment, but it was too strange. This kid was about 10, grown out of the cute young stage, but still too young to be hitting on 19 and 20 year olds. We think we’ve heard the last of this kid, well until his server comes up.
Server: Thanks for sitting the Beverly Hillbillies at my table!” (I’m not sure why all my stories involve Southern accents…?) And after taking their order Server comes back. ‘You’ll never believe what this kid said to me!
Boy: ‘Can I have a Bud Light?
Server (Thinking this is a joke): ‘No, not tonight.’
Boy: ‘Miller Light?’
Server: ‘No.’
Boy: ‘A glass of wine?’
Server: ‘No.’
Boy: ‘Ok, a martini? You got those?’
Server: ‘Maybe in another 10 of 12 years, kid.’
Boy: ‘If you don’t bring me one of those drinks in the next five minutes, I’m gonna punch you right in the face!!’
Server (stunned silence): ‘Look kid, you know what we do with trouble makers here? We tie cement blocks to their feet and throw them into the ocean with the sharks.’
Boy: ‘I’d like to see you try and pick me up! I weigh 120 pounds!’
Server: ‘With rocks in your pockets!’
Boy: ‘You know what, just bring me some fucking cheese sticks!!!’
Server (Angry stunned silence)
Now Server comes back to the hostess stand and relays this to us. I remember it was a big party split at two tables.
JM: ‘I bet he’s showing off for all the kids at the table.’
Hostess: ‘A mom is sitting at the table…’
Stunned silence from all.
I guess it’s kinda like when a baby manages to repeat a cuss word. It turns into a parlor game. Maybe his redneck family thought it was funny. Maybe some one else’s mom didn’t reprimand Boy. Maybe Boy was copying dad. I don’t know what it was, but I just couldn’t believe it. But I guess karma comes around a little quicker for some.
JM: ‘How did your table turn out?’
Server: ‘It was all worth it. The idiots double-tipped me because they can’t read!’
(Sidenote for non-restaurant people: In tables of 7 or more you typically have an additional 18% gratuity already added to your check. Some servers forget to mention that when they drop the bill off. This often results in a larger cash tip for the server. Oh darn!)
People raise your children to follow social norms and function out in public. It’s financially beneficial.
hi TARa,
hi JM,
very uncool what the boy said. the adult should have corrected him. sad indeed. i know what my husband and i would’ve done right then if that had been one of our teen daughters being rude like that in public.
i so believe in karma. that was a nice bonus to the cruddy thing.
but i wonder about folks like that, what they will grow into if nobody corrects them when they are young especially.
get more bees with honey and all. so true. mean people rot to waste time on or with.
i hope somebody reads this, who when faced with someone they can correct, chooses to correct (no matter how embarrassing it might feel). who cares about embarrassing someone in your party when something must be corrected.
opps, didn’t mean to write a book comment. struck a nerve with me i guess. garbage behavior is not to be tolerated. i could write a post about a toxic friend who was mean to servers and it ticked me off.
another day.
later girl. sweet dreams, beany
[Tara R.] Beany… it was amazing. You should have heard her tell it. As wrong as it was, I was in tears. As my daddy used to say, I would’ve ‘jerked a knot in his head’ had that kid been one of mine, or even a kid I knew.
That picture is SO scary. It’s disgusting that people let their kids act like that!
[Tara R.] Cyndy… I don’t care if it was my kid or not, if that little brat was in a party of mine, in public, at a restaurant, I would have said or DONE something. It was incredible. I’m still not sure if that photo is real, but yeah, it is kinda creepy.
Sadly, I’m not all that surprised. People behave shockingly sometimes (and allow their kids to behave that way too), but I’m getting used to it.
[Tara R.] Terri… it is sad, because this kid doesn’t stand a chance to be a normal member of society. Or, maybe it’s us who are now not the norm.
That kid is probably going to grow up to wear a belt buckle as big as his head. If somebody doesn’t shoot him, first.
[Tara R.] lceel… I think you’re probably right… then make the story into a TV movie.
Great post, JM! I can’t even imagine seeing/hearing a child behave like that! And what “adult” could find it the least bit amusing?! Sad…very sad.
[Tara R.] Stacey… these adults are certainly not doing the kids any favors letting them act like that. Sadly, I do know some redneck parents who would have busted out laughing at this and got mad at me for saying anything negative. We don’t hang out in public.
My son would have had cement blocks tied to his feet and would have been condemned to the corner (he’s only three). So not cool what they let that boy say… someone should have been parenting, not only there in the restaurant but at home as well for the many years prior to this incident.
[Tara R.] MamaWise… I’m with on this sister! I would never let either of my kids talk like that to anyone, but especially an adult. You’re right though. No one is parenting that boy.
Unfortunatley, more and more kids ARE going to be like this; he WILL be a functioning member of society because parents as a rule don’t discipline their kids anymore. I am all for reasoning with a child who is capable of following the trail, but otherwise? REason with the palm of my hand on your backside, bud. just sayin’
[Tara R.] Kori… sadly you’re right. Parents are letting their kids do whatever they please and then saving them from the consequences. No one takes responsibility and no one takes the blame. A good crack on the butt can be a wonderful deterrent.
Ha! I’ve heard (and witnessed) plenty of stories like this in my days. I managed restaurants for 20+ years. The attitude that some people bring to dinner is amazing. Obviously this family swam in a very shallow gene pool.
[Tara R.] Nuke… as we say back in Tennessee, ‘their family tree don’t branch.’ I bet you have some awesome stories to tell about the restaurant biz.
OMG–JM has her mommy’s sense of humor! As a former employee of several hash houses, I SO appreciated this post! I also lilke it that Mom is commenting on Daughter’s post. It adds the fun spirit of an hysterical tag-team event to the whole blog experience! Oh, and Tara: I’m “double commenting” today, so check your last post, too. I’m behind in my bloggy responsibilities, and must catch up, especially with you!
[Tara R.] Melissa B… JM’s guested for me before (’Sometimes you feel invincible’), and did a great job. When she told me this story, I begged her to write about it. I just wish I had beent there to see this circus first hand.
The server’s responses were hilarious! I might have been tempted to glare at the mom and ask her if she was willing to be the adult tonight or should they call the proper authorities to assign one to the children.
My daughter is almost 10, no way would I let her act that way!!!
[Tara R.] Sue… my daughter is almost 19, and I would smack her in the back of the head if she acted that way in public. I like your response too. That no adult stepped in at all surprised JM and the server.
Tara: Your daughter’s a pretty funny gal! And I especially love the accompanying photo! It’s such a darn shame that people think they can treat wait-persons like serfs–and then, these kinds always show their ignorance when they get the chance to interact with others in public places!
[Tara R.] Veggie… sadly this is becoming more and more common. Parents letting their kids do and say whatever they want. It’s dumbfounding.
Tara: 2 more things–first, I got back at the Eldest today! And second, Take Another Look Thursday is rapidly approaching!
[Tara R.] Melissa B… I actually have a couple of things I’m thinking ’bout reviewing. How did you get E back?
Wow…I am speechless. That is so sad. I hate seeing things like that. Scares me kids like that may one day intermingle with mine.
[Tara R.] Sandy… really, can you imagine what this kid’s teachers have to endure? Or what his home life is like.
What a little beast. He has some serious growing up to fast issues.
Like I should judge, I have my daughters picture on my blog today of her pretending to drink wine.
But it was just pretend.
Anyway, I want a pic from you. you are one of my fav bloggers and it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t join the “sexy mom challenge”
Move it girl
[Tara R.] Krissy… my own kids have shown bad behavior while in public, but I never just let them get away with it. And! I did have picture for you and totaly screwed it up in Photoshop, so I’ll give it another go and get it to you soon.
I totally would have made the family leave because of their child’s abusive behaviour. I mean, if an adult spoke to a server that way, they’d have to leave – why not a frickin tween?
[Tara R.] Zoeyjane… good question. I hope it was just because everyone was just so stunned. Yeah, they should have been asked to leave.
I see badly behaved kids all the time. Their parents? On their crackberries in the park. On the phone. Not watching or listening to them. It drives me CRAZY.
[Tara R.] OHMommy… it’s like some bizarre sense of entitlement. Some people seem to believe that they can do or say anything they want and everyone else is supposed to put up with it. You’re right some parents act like their children are accessories and not people.
Holy Cow! I am one of those people who believe everyone should work in the food service industry at least once in their life. Although I cannot say I ever had this type of encounter. Actually, nothing remotely close.
I don’t know if I could have seen the table through until the end. At the very least, I’m glad the server was somewhat compensated. Still, yuck!
[Tara R.] Coleen… I waited tables for three years while I was in college. I never had anything even remotely this obnoxious either. I think Zoeyjane was right. They should have been asked to leave.
Gosh… we’re trying our best to raise our childeren to be productive members of society, and these are the people who will walk the earth with our kids when they’re grown. Makes you wonder what will happen to those kids when they become adults.
[Tara R.] Darrin… that kid will probably end up on America’s Most Wanted before he gets too much older.
I am not surprised by this at all.. some parents let their kids behave in ways that are completely inappropriate, and I am sure that apple did not fall far from the tree..
[Tara R.] Kim… being that the boy’s family tree ‘prolly’ doesn’t have many branches, it’s an easy fall.
And this is why I try to avoid children. I know, I know, it’s the parent’s fault but that knowledge doesn’t help it if a kid ruins my evening at a restaurant, night at the movies, day in the park, trip on a plane because some parent actually refuses to parent. I will actually get up and move rather than take the chance that I’m near some kid like this. I worked in the service industry as well, and ugh. The stories I could tell…
[Tara R.] Dingo… JM has also worked in fashion retail, the thing parents let their children do in dressing rooms…. gag! It goes back to the entitlement mentality… some people just believe they and their offspring should be able to do and say whatever they want. Amazing.
Hee! Your response to Kim was hilarious! Some of my friends have outstanding kids. Well behaved and a pleasure to be around. Not robots, mind you, they’re still kids but they know how to act in public. One friend always says that it’s the naughty kids that give kids in general a bad reputation for being out of control. I agree, but I don’t know what can be done about it.
[Tara R.] Dingo… I was talking with some of my friends about this same topic today… we decided that the ’spare the rod, spoil the child’ child rearing was what was needed. A good swift crack on the ass now and then would keep those little brats in line.
The only thing I kept thinking is where is the adult (at home and the table)? Yeah for the double tip!
[Tara R.] Crooked… from what JM was telling me, there was an adult at the kid’s table, but she couldn’t tell if she was his mom or not. Wouldn’t have mattered to me, if some kid in my group was doing that, I would have say or DONE something.
I’m almost too saddened about this to respond. What’s that kid’s future? Pitiful, certainly.
[Tara R.] Patois… you really do have to feel sorry for this kid. He wasn’t born like that, his parents taught him or encouraged this behavior. It stopped being, like JM said, a funny parlor game a LONG time ago.
OMG – that’s pretty scary for our future!
[Tara R.] April… I cannot tell you how fast I would have jerked my kid out of his seat and out the door, if he or she had said anything remotely that like to anyone.