Scrolling Saturdays
In two weeks my college kid will come home for a long weekend and to unload some of her accumulated stuff. Then, two weeks later she’s home for the summer, having completed her first year in college. Even as she moves back into her old bedroom (minus all the laundry immortalized in the previous post), we don’t expect to see much of her over the coming months.
To explain a little more, I’m bringing back this post from last November for Scrolling Saturdays.
From Nov. 5, 2007 – I was my daughter
Our first born came home from college this weekend. It was a short, but nice visit. She was here to attend Homecoming at her former high school. We knew she wanted to hang out with her friends while she was home, and we also knew that if we wanted to see her at all we needed to ask her boyfriend over for lunch on Sunday.
When I was JM’s age, I seem to remember spending most of my time at my boyfriend’s house or out with my gal pals. I pointed this out to my husband – again – when he complained about JM’s habit of not staying at home when she comes home. From his reaction when I ask him about his own teenage behavior, I can believe he didn’t stay at home much either.
I can’t really count coming home during college since I attended school less than an hour from my mom’s house. I lived on campus, but worked within walking distance from Mom. While husband and I were dating, which was almost the entire time we were at UT, whenever he visited his parents, I usually went with him. I bet back then his parents wished he would come home alone so they could have him all to themselves.
We both seem to forget how we acted when we were JM’s age and had places to go, things to do, and people to see. Heaven forbid, would we actually stay home and converse with our parental units. I also have to admit that except for a 17th birthday party, none of my high school boyfriends came to my house for more than picking me up for dates.
By the time husband and I were dating, we both lived away from home, so we almost never spent time with either sets of parents.
At least we can get JM to invite her boyfriends over for dinner once in a while.
The point is that I can’t get too upset that my daughter wants to spend time with friends more than she seems to want to spend time with us, because that is how I acted at her age. I am getting a whole new prospective on my parents. You reap what you sow. I probably need to make a few phone calls – thanks Mom… you’re the best Peggy!
FIRST!
awh TARa,
sweet post. good to realize this hon. great day sweetpea! he he, beany
[Tara R.] Beany… hon! Yeah, it’s hard to miss her and still understand her point of view. I got to be happy with what time I have.
This is what I strive to be; a mom who always tries to understand both points of view and act accordingly. I confess, I still have to work on it in my role as a daughter. Great post!
[Tara R.] April… I wasn’t always this pragmatic. When she was a high school senior, her absenteeism used to really piss me off. But, I had to realize being mad at her all the time was just pushing her away. I could still hold on, just not too tightly.
i think that when kids don’t feel the need to spend all their time at home, it shows that they are confident and secure. i haven’t reached this point, yet. i think that my feelings will be mixed.
wonderful post!
xoxo
[Tara R.] Melissa… I do know that JM is much more confident than I was at her age… I really hope you’re right.
It’s a wonderful thing that you are able to see things from your daughter’s perspective. Makes life a lot easier on her. Even though it stinks that you don’t get as much time as you’d like to spend with her!
[Tara R.] Stacey… when she was first away from home, at college, I had to ask myself some very tough questions about how I was at her age. I didn’t always like the answers. She actually is spending much more time with us than she used to… we’ll see if that continues. =)
It amazes me how much I understand of what my parents went through with me! I’m attempting to enjoy the time I have with mine NOW…
[Tara R.] Laura… I can’t tell you how many times I called my Mom to apologize for my own transgressions since having kids of my own.
We almost never see our son. Between school, friends, and his job – he’s pretty busy. But i suppose that’s the way it’s suppose to be – he needs to pull away from us….but I’m confident that someday he’ll be back.
[Tara R.] Tasina… We’re seeing a little of that now. I think being away from home, really way, has made her appreciate us a little more.
So true – I remember coming home from school on weekends, raiding the fridge, borrowing the car, running it dry and then going back to school…
[Tara R.] Diva… I did the same thing. That’s why now, I honestly can’t be angry with her.
Hi Tara, thanks for the hop! We are having such a hard time with this, and our oldest isn’t even 13 yet! He is always on the go, and of course would much rather hang out with friends than hang out here with us. I’m sure by the time the youngest of the four gets to college age we’ll be all “What are you doing here? Don’t you have somewhere to go?” LOL.
[Tara R.] Honeybell… I only have one more at home, and I think I’ll feel the same as you once he gets off at college. =)
Yeah, I don’t think I even stayed with my mother when I came home during college breaks. I’d say if she’s willing to bring her boyfriend over for dinner you’ve got it made. lol
[Tara R.] CableGirl… you’re right it could be worse, we could NEVER see her. She has friends that have only been home once all year. The BF is okay, he doesn’t say much though… that may not be a bad thing.
I’m right in the middle: just yesterday I was dating and rarely visiting my parents and tomorrow my 11-year-old will be coming home from her first year of college. Today I’m being caught off guard when said 11-year-old wants mom to leave her alone. It sounds like you have a good attitude, one I hope I have when the time comes.
[Tara R.] Angela… It took awhile to get here, but by not pushing so hard, I think it made our relationship with our daughter easier.
Your daughter is blessed to have such a great mom! It’s great you’re letting her grow up with lots of love and space.
[Tara R.] Kim… I keep trying to tell her how lucky she is. I just hope this works.
What a wonderful mommy you are. I hope I will have the ability to empathize with my daughter like you do when she’s older
Great re-post!
[Tara R.] Sandy… Sometimes it’s still difficult separating how I feel as a parent, and remembering how I felt as a teen and young college student.
This post makes me a little sad . . . I realize that one day I’ll be the one writing a post just like this one . . .
It is wonderful that she has a mom that understands this (even if she isn’t all that thrilled with it). I think because you aren’t on her case about it, you will be the one she wants to spend time with as she grows older . . .
Bittersweet post . . .
[Tara R.} LaskiGal... I hope you're right. And, I hope I'm really doing the right thing.