Hence the Name…

Last President’s Day I got a strange phone call from my teenage daughter. I remember it was President’s Day because my children were off from school and my husband had the day off from work and I didn’t.

The conversation went something like this:

Daughter: Hey Mom.
Me: Hey sweetie, whatcha doin’

Daughter: Not much. I want to ask you a question. Don’t say anything until I’m done, okay?
Me: Okay (spoken with a hint of dread).

Daughter: Coach A found a litter of puppies and told (Boyfriend – who played football for Coach A) that if he couldn’t find homes for them, they would have to be put down. Coach A said we could have one if we wanted it. They’re lab mixes like Max (a seven-year-old black lab we already had). What do you think?
Me: What did your Dad say? (My children are not above asking whichever one of us they hope will give them the answer they want.)

Daughter: He said ‘IF MOM SAYS OK’ it was okay with him.
Me: He really said that?
Daughter: Yeah.
Me: How old are they?
Daughter: I think about six or eight weeks old.
Me: Dad really said it would be okay with him?
Daughter: Yeah.

At this point I don’t know if I neglected to call my husband to the phone for a little tête-à-tête to get the real scoop because I was distracted by having to work when my entire family had the day off, or by the fact that I secretly wanted another puppy.

Me: Okay… it’s fine with me.
Daughter: Really?!
Me: Sure.
Daughter: Mom, I love you, bye.

I let this conversation mull around in my head for about five minutes, then I got back on the phone – this time with my husband.

Me: Did you really say it was okay for (Boyfriend) to get her that dog if I said ‘okay’?
Husband: Yes.
Me: Why?!
Husband: Because I didn’t think you would say ‘okay.’
Me: It would have been nice if you had told me that. I don’t like always being the ‘bad guy.’
Husband: Me neither.
Me: Looks like we have ourselves a puppy.
Husband: Looks like.

Generally, my husband and I are better about working together on issues concerning our children. After nearly a quarter of a century together, sometimes we forget that we don’t always know for sure how the other one will react to different situations.

Therefore, here are some enduring truths for me when conflicts arise:

1. I have never mastered the art of mind reading, and I hate guessing games – I can’t do anything to make the situation better until I know what’s wrong, and if I ask you what’s wrong, it’s because I really want to know.

2. If you want me to side with you on a certain issue, let me know what side you’re on. This goes back to the guessing game issue.

3. Don’t lie to me. I will find out sooner or later, and the lie is worse than anything you could have done.

4. If you find yourself in an argument with me – fight fair.
Don’t use words like ‘always’ and ‘never’
Don’t bring up past arguments
Don’t use swear words or call me names
Don’t hit or throw things

5. I won’t miss an opportunity to say ‘I’m sorry’ when I’m wrong.

What are some of your enduring truths either as a parent or spouse?